“CHURCH HURT”

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.”

Matthew 18:15

The church should be a place where everybody feels safe. But that’s not always the case. While we should be about helping people experience God’s restoration, it’s quite saddening that the place where God’s presence should be welcomed is the very institution that could cause emotional pain and trouble in people.

In my years of pastoring a church, I have spoken to individuals who report being offended by the church in one way or another. As a result, they have stopped attending, or though they have been attending, they have been carrying heavy emotional burdens in their hearts. If you have had a similar experience, how do you find healing?

In today’s verse, Jesus gives us specific instructions on what to do when we experience church hurt. He wants the offended believer to approach the offender and win him over. The whole purpose of this mandate is not to rub the fault in the offender’s face but to strive for reconciliation. Without a doubt, Jesus knew beforehand that there would be instances when His children would hurt one another.

Levels of Church Hurt

Universal

Some people claim that the church, as a whole, has hurt them, so they decide to refuse to join any local congregation. Such people believe that the universal church is guilty of offending them. If this is true at any level, not only does a person turn his back on the church, but ultimately on God.

Congregational

Meanwhile, some are convinced that an entire congregation has joined together to harm them. To an extent, they feel that the local church made them feel like outcasts and not welcome. They probably were subjects of church discipline, or they’ve become topics of gossip, or worse, they have been excommunicated in some way.

Pastoral

Church hurt can also happen at the leadership level. There are times when the pastor, elders, deacons, and ministry heads are the alleged persons responsible for causing the hurt. A church leader may take a stand on a particular issue but fail to listen to the person’s side. It can also be something a pastor said from behind the pulpit that offended the distressed person. Pastors and leaders aren’t perfect, and yes, there are times when we make errors that likely upset people.

Individual

This is perhaps the most common type of church hurt. For the most part, when somebody says, “The church hurt me,” they have a specific person in mind. It could be that they aren’t strong enough to follow the biblical guidelines for reconciliation, so instead of going through the challenging work of going to the person, they just stop coming and find a spiritual home elsewhere.

Regardless of the level of the hurt, emotionally injured members have their own stories and they have to be heard. It is critically important to let them open up and where they’re coming from. But knowing where the hurt comes from is only half the job.

Pursue the Savior today!